Thursday, May 26, 2016

This post is WAYYYYY late since we took this winter trip months ago. 

We went to Breck (again......can't get enough of that town) with Scott's family for a ski trip in January. 

The skiing and present company was awesome and we all had a great time! 

Main Street is always really cute and quaint, but especially over the winter months with all of the lights. 




The first day we arrived there was a parade on Main Street. 

Family pic

I LOVE this pic of these two!



We skied our booties off




They had a neat children's "haunted forest" to go through. 








Scott's a better skier than me....I don't look this smooth. ;-)


The mountains are always so pretty and serene.  








The very top.....look at how windy it was when we got off the lift. (2nd pic) It felt like a blizzard!



These people here (below) are the more brave ones. 
They are walking and carrying their skies/snowboards to even a higher elevation. 
Lifts don't even go up that high. Do what?!?!



One day a few of us went on a snowmobiling expedition which was a blast. 


We went up to the Continental Divide. The views are supposed to be amazing from up there but it was snowing so we could hardly see anything. 



At the same place they also had sled dogs, which were SOOO cute. All they wanted to do was RUN! They were amped and ready to go the entire time!


Our ride home....until next time. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

IVF Veteran

I originally wrote this post back in November after our 1st IVF. (but never published it) 
I edited it to where we stand as of today. 

1st IVF failed  (chemical pregnancy)
2nd IVF miscarried @ 6 1/2 weeks (still recovering from a d&c last week)

We're completely heartbroken.


 I feel like I was put on this earth to share my story with the world, to help others, to raise awareness....to help myself. I just never expected this journey to go on as long as it has. 
(Almost 5 years)  

That's been the hardest part for me to swallow through it all. We've been "trying" since before couples I knew were engaged, then married, then had their first baby, and now already on their 2nd, etc. I feel like everyone else's lives are moving ahead and we've continued to be at a stand still back at the starting line.  

Infertility also has turned me into a person I absolutely despise at times, and never thought I would become.
There's been times I've been jealous, bitter, unsocial (which is SO not like me) and isolated. 
It fucks (excuse my language) with my mind, putting me in some of the darkest places I've ever been in. 
It takes the joy out of the moments that should be filled with happiness. 

Spending months injecting myself with medications time and time again and have it fail, every, single, time is physically and emotionally exhausting. We hold on to shreds of hope to achieve what 7 out of 8 people don't have to work at (or spend tons of $$$ on)....getting pregnant. 



But I've learned. 
I've learned how strong I really am.....not just physically (daily shots, blood work, ultrasounds, procedures etc.) but mentally too. 
Battling infertility is nothing short of a roller coaster of emotions. 
At my worst, having a child seemed like a life or death situation....like I couldn't imagine going through life without a child. At my best, everything is a bit more grey.

When I'm "in" a cycle....it completely consumes me. It's constant monitoring of follicles, blood levels, shots at certain times each day, etc., that it's hard to think about anything else other than getting (and staying) pregnant. 
(Google is my best and worst friend during these times)
When I'm not in a cycle, I feel more normal and myself again, which is where I'm trying to get to at this moment.

We have a Plan B out in Colorado and are moving ahead with Dr. Schoolcraft @ CCRM. They are probably the BEST clinic in the nation. Their success rates are the highest, their lab is first class and they have the most up-to-date technology. They also do their own research and hold their own clinical trials, which I might be able to be involved with one - taking Acai Berry supplements. 

Our phone consult is in a few weeks then we'll have to go out to their clinic for a 1 day workup consisting of 7 hours of testing out the wazoo. 

Our next IVF probably won't be until the Fall/Winter with them but we're looking forward to little getaways in the mountains while we go through another cycle. It will be nice to be surrounded by such gorgeous scenery to make us more relaxed. Scott and I LOVE Colorado and have been going out there 2-3 times a year for the past few years so we're taking it as a sign that it's the right move for us.  


We wouldn't be able to consider going out to Colorado though if it weren't for my husband's awesome insurance. I am VERY GRATEFUL that he has it. It doesn't pay for all, but it pays for most and that's better than nothing. It's pretty rare for insurance policies to pay for infertility procedures.....which is sad. Certain states require it but KS/MO aren't one of them. His work even pays for 16 weeks of paternity leave (hoping he'll get to use some in the future) and I thought that was pretty amazing!


So I'm using this summer to focus on myself and getting myself mentally and physically ready for round 3 in the Fall. After 2 failed IVF cycles and 5 failed IUI cycles, more tears than anyone should cry, and more time spent in a state of waiting/worrying/sadness/anger/anxiety than happiness, I decided it was time for a break and focus on ME. I can either drown in my sorrows or take charge of my life again and I'm choosing the latter. I'm focusing on ME, my HUSBAND, and HAPPINESS. 

  


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Happy Holla Days!

I L.O.V.E. this time of year. 
All of the decorations, lights, sparkles, and glittery Christmas Cards.....makes this girl very VERY happy. 

It's also our first Christmas at our new home so it's been fun trying to figure out "new" places for the decorations to go. 
I ran out of festive items for our basement so that gives me an excuse to shop for more Christmas stuff in the future. 
(shhh.....don't tell Scott)

Since everything looks so pretty....I thought it was the perfect time to share some pics of our pad. 
We haven't really done much with the basement yet so that's for another time. ;-)

Here is the sitting room. 
My goal is to revamp that fireplace (thinking rock and adding a mantle) and hopefully next fall we'll put in a new gas fireplace insert to make it all warm and cozy for the winter. 



Then the kitchen (with our house motto on the right). :-)




Dining Room (which is the ONLY room I've painted thus far...I need to get on my painting game). 


We hosted our first neighborly dinner party a few weeks back and I was super proud of it. First time breaking out our wedding china and even used the family silverware. 
#success



Our living room 



And I couldn't resist...they just came from our new groomers and looked so fresh and so clean clean. 


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!
Cheers to the beautiful moments, treasured memories, and all of the blessings a heart can have! Much love!
xo

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